Ask a Priest

First: you are not alone. This is one of the most common questions I receive. The good news is that the longer you've been away, the more powerfully God wants to welcome you back — and the more the Church rejoices to receive you.

Here's what to do: Walk in, tell the priest right at the start, "Father, I've been away for about 10 years and I'm nervous." Every priest worth his collar will take it from there and guide you through. We are trained for exactly this moment.

You don't need to remember every sin in perfect detail. A sincere desire to confess, sorrow for your sins, and the intention to try to do better — that is enough. God does the rest. The Sacrament is not a performance review. It is an embrace.

Go. I promise you will walk out lighter than you went in.

No. Absolutely not. Anxiety and depression are not sins — they are conditions. The same way a broken leg is not a sin, a brain that struggles with anxiety is not evidence of faithlessness.

Some of the greatest saints in history suffered profoundly — Thérèse of Lisieux, Mother Teresa, John Henry Newman. Their darkness was not a sign of weak faith. In many cases it was the crucible in which their faith was purified.

God does not expect you to simply pray harder and feel better. He sent you doctors, therapists, and medication for a reason. Seeking that help is not a failure of faith — it is an act of wisdom and stewardship of the body He gave you.

Please don't carry this alone. Seek professional help if you haven't already, and bring it to God in prayer as well. Both. Not one instead of the other.

Yes. Absolutely yes. And I say that without hesitation or qualification.

The Church teaches that every human person has inherent dignity and deserves to be welcomed, respected, and loved — and she means it. The experience of same-sex attraction is not a sin. What the Church asks of those who experience it is the same thing she asks of every unmarried person: chastity. That is a real and demanding call. But it is not a call to hide, to be ashamed, or to believe you are unloved.

There are communities of faithful Catholics who experience same-sex attraction and live beautiful, full lives in the Church — Courage, Eden Invitation, and others. They are not in exile. They are at home.

You are not a problem to be solved. You are a person to be loved. There is a place for you at this table — there always was.

Not only is it okay — it's honest. And honesty with God is the beginning of real prayer.

Read the Psalms. David rages at God, argues with Him, accuses Him of abandoning him. "Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction?" This is Scripture. This is the Word of God. Which means God put it there — our anger, our questions, our grief — and called it holy.

The danger is not feeling anger at God. The danger is turning away from Him in the anger. Job was furious at God. God's response to Job at the end of the book is remarkable: He doesn't answer Job's questions. He shows up. And He praises Job's honesty more than the friends who gave pious non-answers.

Tell God exactly what you told me. He can handle it. He's been waiting for you to.

Yes — and the fact that you want a Catholic marriage is a grace worth taking seriously.

Contact your local parish and ask to speak with the pastor about Catholic marriage preparation. Be upfront about your situation. A good pastor will welcome you without judgment and walk you through the process.

Catholic marriage preparation (often 6 months to a year) will ask you to reflect seriously on what Catholic marriage means — its permanence, its openness to life, its sacramental character. It may ask you to make some changes in how you're living before the wedding. That's not punishment; it's preparation for the real thing.

The Church wants your marriage to succeed. So do I. Start the conversation with your parish. The door is open.